I know I just said that Nikki Finke was a cat breastfeeder and that was aggressive and I should probably just call it a night, but I just saw on Facebook that this dude I loved for like, six months in college (from afar, kind of, except we made out in his top bunk bed once) got married and I’m like, devastated.
His mom came for parents weekend and she was like, “Who is that pretty girl, [Redacted]?” and you have to know that no one related to a dude who could have possibly ever liked me or dated me called me pretty until college. That was, for me, the benefit of college. Like, discovering that people outside of my hometown might think I have some sort of worth and would maybe even be desirable to another human.
Anyway, this bro was Midwestern and had big blue eyes and dope values except for the fact that he didn’t totally love me and I remember him texting me over winter break freshman year to say, “My mom keeps pulling a photo she took of you on parents weekend out of her purse and telling everyone in my family how nice and pretty she thinks you are.”
I think I drunk dialed his mom once, I really think I did do that and that we had a really pleasant conversation. I might have been closer to being with her than I ever was with him.
But I saw he got married and it really bummed me out because even though I know I probably live a way cooler life than he ever will or ever thought I would, I just think it’s really unfair that some people are allowed to breathe without you. That’s maybe the greatest tragedy in life, beside like, unexpected deaths. I know the answer to this because there are many people out there who are my someones that I’ve chosen to live without, but seriously… How can someone live without you? How can someone get married without you?
I know the answer, I know. I know what the deal is and even that, statistically, their relationship will end and that the more successful of the two of them will wind up paying for the other for the rest of their lives long after they are no longer legally or spiritually bound to one another, but it’s hurtful.